I haven't been posting as much as I would like, and I don't want to promise that I'm going to because I don't know if I will be able to keep up a regular posting schedule with how busy I am going to be this year.
I am going to take this post to a very serious place because I need to get a bunch of junk out of my brain and this is about the only long form outlet I have other than Facebook.
About a week ago I was informed about the suicide of someone I went to high school with and it was someone who I didn't know well or even remember that well, but I did have her a Facebook friend and I did speak to her once in a while. Out of respect I am reserving her name but her name will not and should not be forgotten.
Now, I'm not a mental health professional, I'm not a doctor, I am not in any way qualified to give mental health advice. So please take what I say with a grain of salt.
Above all else, always remember that you matter. You may not be extremely popular, you may only have 100 Instagram followers, you may feel like you're alone. Let me assure you, you matter so much. Every single person reading this is important and deserve to feel and keep the utmost happiness they possibly can. You do not deserve to feel those torturous thoughts and feel like you're taking them on alone. You are broken, we are all broken, but with the right attention and the right care every single one of us can be patched up. You do not have to use your own hands to glue yourself together.
Every one of us has embers burning inside of us, every single one of us has something that we love and when you put your love into that 100% sometimes it doesn't always love you back. But the thing about embers is that they take a hell of a long time to go out, and they only take a small gust of air to reestablish themselves. You are not ash, you are not extinguished, you are not done. You have something to offer this world, even if you think that you don't.
I was once 19 years old, on my SECOND victory lap in high school because I didn't know what I had to give. I was miserable because I thought I was pointless, I thought that I would be lucky to even be happy. I lost every motivation I had because I didn't have anywhere to put my mind. I'm now 27 years old, and I can tell you for a fact that there is a beautiful fucking feeling resting just past all of those dark thoughts. I can tell you without any doubt in my fingertips while I type this, that those dark thoughts, those ugly, scary thoughts are only going to go away if you let someone shine a light into those caverns.
You have no idea how much of an impact you make in peoples lives, every person you come in contact with feels an impact from you. You inspire, you entertain, you console. The longer you go, the deeper those roots become, the deeper that impact is, and although you may feel alone I promise you that there is always someone who loves you. I love you, I may not even know you and I love you. I love you because you have something that no-one else has, your life. I love everything about your life, because it's probably an intriguing and provocative story.
So let me take this time to tell you that even if we've never spoken before, even if we've known each other for years, I am here. I am not going to sit on my thumbs with my head down and let another person that I can help suffer on their own. I am here. Do not feel like you are a burden on my shoulders, I was born with wide ones and I will listen, I will console, I will entertain. I'm not awake 24/7 but I don't sleep much. Please take advantage of that, please open up, please let me shine a light into those dark areas. I do not want to see another person whom I could have helped, leave this planet without feeling their ultimate happiness. I love you, and I want you to realize how much you matter.
My phone number is 7059439779 I don't often answer calls from unknown numbers, but I will respond to texts always. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org or there is a contact form on this website. Please, even if you're hesitant to talk, at least take my number and save it in your phone incase you ever need it.
You are all so fucking beautiful, please don't stop being.